I recently met the love of my life, but I’m still in shock about it. Everyone who is single or was single for a long time, like me, has heard their friends and parents say to them, “it is all about the timing.” When you are single, this is hard to understand. Of course, it is easy for coupled people to tell you, “it will happen when the timing is right,” but in your mind you are thinking, why isn’t the timing now, why not me, why was the timing right for you, why am I not meeting someone when I feel so ready. I went through this mindset over and over again. I kept telling the Universe, hey! I’m ready! Any day now! I want to meet the one. I’m ready! Don’t you hear me, Universe? I’m ready! But, alas the Universe had its own plans for me.
I kept dating and dating and dating, trying to fit square pegs into circles. If the Universe wasn’t going to send him to me, I would make him appear. I ignored red flag after red flag with so many partners. Oh, it’s okay that he is emotionally unavailable. I don’t mind that he never graduated from highschool. So, he’s really bad at communicating. Oh well, I can put up with that. I can handle not being loved back. I can support him through his heavy depression. Sex? Who needs sex? I can just cuddle with him since he is afraid of sex. I had excuse after excuse as to why this guy had to be the one. I wasn’t going to settle for cat lady status. The timing had to be now, because I said so! Hear that Universe, I said so!! This method always worked so well in other parts of my life…
When I said, Hey Universe, I’m getting this job, because I said so, it responded with rejection letter after rejection letter. In truth, I realized long ago that the Universe would never abide by my bossy demands. The only way to get what I truly wanted was to forget about it altogether and just be patient with life. Life would happen the way it was meant to. I’m not religious. I don’t believe that there is a man in the sky pulling our strings like a marionette show, but if I’ve learned anything from my 28 years of life, free will only gets you so far. We can choose to act a certain way and tell ourselves that it will result in the outcomes we desire, but those outcomes don’t always go as planned. Every time I tell myself I have the control over my future, I’m literally smacked in the face with reality. The reality that I have very little control. You can say you are ready for love and scream and argue and bargain with the powers that be to meet the one, but it will not happen until it is meant to happen. This is a concept my stubbornness had a hard time accepting.
So when each and every one of my relationships failed after a mere 3 months, I felt dismayed. Why was everyone happily in love with the man or woman of their dreams, and I was over here constantly picking up the pieces of my heart after another short-lived love affair that I was sure would result in marriage. Every time I met a new guy, I ran to my mother, my best friend, and the internet to shout at the top of my lungs, This is it! He is the one! I just know it! Then when it ended abruptly with their words of, “I’m just not ready. I need time to find myself. It’s not you, it’s me. You are great, but I don’t know what I want,” I felt so utterly and completely crushed. I didn’t know how much longer I could go with this pattern of love and loss.
I even traveled to the ends of the earth to meet the right one. I canoodled with French boys in Paris, rode on mopeds in Spain, kissed Italians by fountains, rubbed elbows with Germans in the cloud forests of Ecuador. I dove head first into romances I knew couldn’t last past their expiration date of my travels, but I did it anyway. I put my heart through the ringer, all because I wanted to meet that one so badly.
Then after my last breakup, to another guy I thought was my soul mate, I gave up. I stopped looking. I stopped yelling at the Universe. I stopped caring. I started looking within. I started dating myself. I started treating myself the way I wanted a man to treat me. I started doing this crazy thing called, loving myself. I took myself on fancy dates to nice restaurants. I brought myself to expensive concerts and danced alone. I went on picnics to beaches and parks. I told men I was unavailable, not because I had a boyfriend but because I was involved with myself. I spent more time with girlfriends. I pampered myself with long baths and massages. I stopped begging for what I wanted, and started appreciating what I had. I spent the entire summer falling in love again, with ME!
When I casually started dating again at the end of the summer, I knew exactly what I wanted and deserved. I knew I couldn’t ignore red flags or pine after men who didn’t want me. I needed to love myself first and foremost. Then after a few men who didn’t meet the mark, I went on one more first date. He wasn’t my type at first, but I fell in love with his words, his heart, his eyes, his smile and every other thing about him. We both wanted the same things. We both got excited when we shared our stories with each other. We both laughed at the same jokes.
Could this be? Could the timing finally be right? Only time will tell, but this time around I love myself and not just him. I’m more aware. I’m more attuned to my own desires and it isn’t one-sided like all the rest. I was patient. I didn’t yell at the Universe that I was ready. I didn’t even realize it was the right time, until it just happened. I know this time what people always meant about timing. I also know that I’m the person I want to be in this relationship.
So if you are single and feeling frustrated with everyone telling you, “don’t worry it will happen when it is meant to. It is all about the timing,” don’t get upset with them. There really is no other way to describe it. Instead, focus on you. Focus on loving yourself. Forget about meeting the one. Fall in love with you. Treat yourself like a queen or king. When you are busy taking care of yourself, that is when it will happen. It will catch you when you least expect it. I know it is hard to hear, but there is no greater truth out there. Love is within. You don’t have to search any further than yourself. When you discover that love within then someone else’s love will find you too. It is really all about the timing.