13 Signs You are Not 22 Anymore

I’ve been struggling a lot lately with accepting my age and I’m not even that old yet. I’m almost 29 years old and I’m starting to miss everything about my early 20’s. People keep reminding me that everything changes in your late 20’s and there is no going back. I’m frustrated with my weight, my inability to drink without experiencing a hangover, and my lack of energy on a Friday night. I used to be the life of the party. I went out Thursday through Saturday and could manage to write papers and volunteer/work in between the partying with no problem. Now, I’m always tired. Friday night is perfect for staying in and watching Netflix, and I cannot do anything the day after heavy drinking. I guess this means I’m not 22 anymore :(.

  1. Gone are the days of saying, “I’ll sleep when I’m dead,” because at this point if you don’t get those extra zzzz’s you may be dead. From ages 18-24, you can party three days straight at a music festival and get an average of 2 hours of sleep each night and still go strong. At age 28, you can barely make it one night at a late concert without craving lots of sleep. If I go several days without sleep now, I am a zombie.sleep
  2. That tolerance you built up to alcohol, while drinking illegally at house parties in high school and college, as all but disappeared. Years of hard work down the drain. You used to be able to drink several heavy poured mixed drinks and not even feel sick. Now, you have two glasses of wine or a beer and you are slurring your words and falling all over the places. At least I’m a cheap date! When my partner and I go out for drinks, I usually only get one and if I’m feeling extremely adventurous I will have two. This past New Year’s Eve, I decided I was 22 again and drank a shot of whiskey, a mix drink, three jack and cokes, and champagne. I don’t remember the rest of that story. If I drank that in college, I’d be having a blast not hugging a toilet. lightweight.jpg
  3. Not only can I not drink as much, I get sick from even the smallest amount of alcohol. I used to brag to my friends and at parties in college, that I never got hangovers. I only once in college and that was freshman year, after I drank on antibiotics. Other than that I never puked or had a hangover the next day. Sometimes these days I have two drinks and don’t even feel drunk, but the next day you can be sure that I have a killer headache. If I overdo it, I’m puking and laying in bed all day the next day. The hangovers can even last two days now that I’m older. It is not fun!! hangover.png
  4. The best part about being drunk when you are under 25 is that you can shamelessly eat that shitty pizza, cold Chinese food, or scarf down nachos at 3am and not really regret it the next morning. You’re actually happy you got something in your stomach to soak up the alcohol. Nowadays, eating that late night drunken snack results in upset stomach, gaining weight, and feel disgusting the next day. No more late night munchies without hating yourself. At 22, you can laugh it off and still fit in your size zero jeans the next day. At 29, you feel bloated and gross the next day and have to wear your stretchy pants.homer eating.gif
  5. Late night food isn’t acceptable and either is eating wings three nights a week or pizza, or saying ahh just one more slice of cake or scoop of ice cream. I used to be able to eat whatever I wanted. I never even went to the gym. I ate pretty healthy, but wasn’t afraid to cheat and have lots of sugar or greasy foods. If I just so much as look at a bowl of ice cream now, I gain weight. When my boyfriend and I cheat on a Friday night and eat fried food, I feel bloated the next day. I tend to wear my backup fat pants more often than my skinny jeans. I have to work out everyday to keep in shape and keep the calories down. When I miss the gym for a week, I can see the results in the mirror. Everyone who is older than me responds by saying, you’re not 22 anymore welcome to getting old. If this is what old means, please take me back in time!!weight gain
  6. When you find yourself at the gym sneering at the 18 year old girls with flat stomachs working out harder than you. I always want to walk by and whisper in their ear, “enjoy it while you can, because you will be fat by 28.” Those girls don’t even need to work out they can lose weight in their sleep. I, on the other hand, have to visit the gym at least 5 days a week to maintain my weight where it is and if I skip, I gain 5 lbs. and have to just accept that as the new norm. skinny g.gif
  7. If there’s extra money in your account at age 22, you can go on a shopping spree. Now, if I realize I have some money left over I immediately save it or apply it to several bills that are hanging over my head. Making and spending money isn’t fun anymore. Your paycheck comes in and instead of running to the bar or Forever 21 with your friends to spend it all, you are forced to pay all of your bills and rent first and then scrounge the last bit to buy food for the week. Responsibilities are a bummer. got paid.jpg
  8. It becomes less and less acceptable to be single and lovin’ it. When you are in your early 20’s people say, “oh you’ve got time, you are young.” When you are in your late 20’s people say, “have you met someone yet, you know your clock is ticking.” As a aging woman, people start to talk about your biological clock a lot more. When you are 22, you have all the time in the world to meet your soul mate and have kids. As soon as you hit 27, people start reminding you that you are getting older and you better meet someone soon or you will be a cat lady for life. Luckily, I met my soulmate just in the nick of time a week after my 28th birthday, or I’d be gearing up for a spinsters life. This isn’t true though, you really do have time even if you are 30 and it is sad that people’s rhetoric changes towards a woman reaching her 30’s and still single. So much pressure! 22 year old’s out there picking up phone numbers and dates, and 28 year old’s at home on a Friday night scouring Okcupid for their soulmate. Not fair!ring-meme-generator-single-women-over-the-age-of-30-0e7732
  9. When I was 21 and enjoying the freedom of life, the thought of having kids made me squeamish. I never once looked at a child and thought, aww I want one. I seriously feared pregnancy. (I still do a little). I used to look at kids and say, “no thanks!” I was too busy living and being selfish, to think about taking care of another life. Now, I catch myself staring at other kids longingly. I don’t know when my mind changed from fear of motherhood, to a desire to be a mom, but it happened somewhere around 25 years old. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not itching to have kids right away, but I don’t hate the idea anymore. I’m actually excited about being a mom some day. This isn’t to say that some women never change their minds and don’t ever want kids, but something happened between 22 and now, that has my ovaries like, ‘give me some babies soon.’ I must be growing up. My 22 year old self would be disgusted with me.having kids.jpg
  10. At 22 or younger, your idea of a fun weekend includes clubbing until 3am, going to a few house parties, taking a few naps, and eating fast food. At 28, your idea of a fun weekend includes curling up in your pjs on a Friday night with your boo to watch Netflix, getting all your chores and errands done on Saturday, so you can relax on Sunday, and possibly getting a drink with a friend somewhere during happy hour. I used to be so much fun. I would party all weekend and even go out during the week. Now, I dream of my bed all day. I look forward to relaxing and getting errands done on the weekends.We are lucky if we get to spend the day by the pool or river, but we rarely make it out past 11pm. staying in
  11. Working in a restaurant, being a bartender, pursuing your art degree are all acceptable things in your early 20’s, but if you don’t have your shit together by 30 people look at your differently. By 25, you are expected to be well on your way to a good career, if not already working in a good job. Being a waitress all of your life just doesn’t really cut it anymore. People expect you to be an adult. No fun and games for a 28 year old. You have to have it all figured out by now. It is stressful feeling like you are finally an adult, but you’ve been playing around too much to really feel grown up. I’m still figuring out how this whole adulting thing works and you expect me to have started my career! Enjoy it while it lasts young 20-somethings! get a job.gif
  12. The oldies station plays the music you grew up listening to. Hearing Backstreet Boys or Britney Spears on the oldies station, feels like a crime. How is my music considered old. I can barely tolerate the modern music on the radio. It all sounds the same to me. I sound like my father complaining about my music. 90s music.jpg
  13. When you go out, everyone looks under 21 to you. They look like babies. You want to card them just to make sure they didn’t sneak in the bar. You start wondering if you looked that young at 21 or the kids these days are just looking more and more immature. Then I look back at my Facebook pictures for a pic of me at 21 and realize damn I did look like a baby. I mean look at that face. (On the left)me at 21 part 2
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