Why is it that moms are plagued by what we call “mom guilt”. This doesn’t seem to exist for dads. I feel like I cannot do anything without feeling nagging guilt about it. Is that societies voice in my head making me feel bad or is it my own? I cannot enjoy a break without shaming myself for it. I even feel the guilt in advance of making choices I know I will feel guilty about.

For example: the other day I put my son down for his nap and like every mom the anxiety of choice/responsibility set in. Should I start the laundry? Should I clean the floors or bathrooms? What about writing that grant for work? Or exercising, which I never do. Or god forbid, RELAX!

You know what I chose? I chose to relax. I chose to binge a new show on Netflix. I never ever make this choice for myself and I felt guilty the entire time. I couldn’t just relax and let myself off the hook, could I? I had to mentally punish myself for being “lazy”! Like Melissa, how do you think the laundry will get done? The house is disgusting, get to work. I literally feel like I am in an abusive relationship with myself, sometimes.

So, I texted my mom and best friend basically asking for permission to relax. Of course they gave it to me and I felt a little better about it. I wish I could give myself that permission though.

Another example: when I am booking a trip or even planning a night out, I immediately shorten my time away in anticipation of feeling guilty for being gone too long. Sure I would love to attend the full three days of my friend’s destination bachelorette in Palm Springs, but I shouldn’t let myself be away that long. Sure I would like to visit with a friend without the rush to be home before bedtime, but I feel guilty not being there.

Does my husband feel guilty when he golfs for 8 hours then goes for drinks after? No! And he shouldn’t have to because as parents we deserve a break. For some reason, as a mom I feel I deserve it less than him though. So, I guilt myself into getting shorter breaks and while I am out/away I think I need to constantly check in and not disconnect so I am not neglectful.

Is this a healthy way to live? Probably not. But how do I stop that nagging voice in my head? How do I stop the mom guilt? I write this not because I have the solution, but because I have not discovered it yet and I wonder if a solution even exists or if moms are hardwired to feel guilty unlike their partners.

So, tell me….have you gotten rid of your mom guilt yet?