So many times as moms we drive around ignoring the lights flashing in our cars and our bodies telling us something is wrong. We tell ourselves we don’t have time for sickness right now, or to rest, or take care of ourselves. This is dangerous!

This is why more women die of heart disease than men and it is called a silent killer, but honestly we probably do feel the signs, but we are accustomed to ignoring them. When that check engine light pops on, how often do you ignore it? Do you push yourself through the flu to take care of everyone around you and ignore your own check engine light telling you to rest? I know that I do! The only time I really rest is when I am literally knocked down and even then I can’t help, but feel guilty for not keeping up with my role as mom, wife, and employee.

We have to stop doing this though. As my mom always said to me, you will be no good to anyone if you are dead. That sounds bleak, but sadly so many mothers ignore all the signs that they need to get medical help before it is too late. Your kids are better off if you take care of yourself and don’t push yourself to the brink of death. We need to give ourselves permission to take our bodies and minds in for routine and emergency services, when our engines are no longer functioning.

When men get sick what do they do? They collapse in anguish, crying that they couldn’t possibly do anything. They retreat to bed and ask that everyone drop everything to take care of them. We make fun of them for this, but also, they are given the time to recover by society and we are not. We need to demand the same affordance of rest and recuperation as our partners are afforded. No more pushing through the flu to cook dinner, take care of the kids, do pick up and drop off, go to the office. This is not an acceptable way to live.

I believe collectively, our check engine lights are yelling at us. All moms and even women in general are in a crisis. We are so dedicated to everyone but ourselves. We need to prioritize ourselves now, even if no one else will, because we are worthless if we can’t keep ourselves healthy. We need to fill our own cups first. Put our masks on first. There is a reason these sayings and actual guidelines exist for our own safety and others. If we are running on fumes, everyone around us can tell that our performance is below average, especially our kids. We are also teaching our kids and especially daughters that we need to be martyrs at the expense of our own wellness. This is not OKAY!

So, please, please, check your engine! Make sure it is running okay. Get the rest you need and go to the doctor if your body is showing signs of deeper problems. Your family will thank you later, when you are still around for all the big milestones and not 6 feet under with a gravestone that says “I’m fine”!