I See You Mama…

I’m back! Been writing this post in my head for a few weeks, but as always I’ve had no time to write. I recently did something very out of character for me though. I decided to put myself first and take some extra time off of work for self care during this nutty time of COVID.

I finally realized how unsustainable it was for me to work full time and watch my son full time with very little break for my own sanity. If you are also working remotely and managing an infant or teaching your kids remotely and pulling out your hair, listen to me now: GIVE YOURSELF A BREAK!

If your work offers Federal Paid COVID time, take it! Anyway, on to my actual post now:

Mama, don’t you find it frustrating when men are praised for contributing to parenting by being present or helping with household chores!? Well, I do, because moms rarely get any praise! Moms are expected to do it all with zero complaints and usually get criticized instead of praised. We are staying home right now watching our kids while working or changing our many hats to be teachers while also cleaning and cooking and trying to not get fired from our jobs.

This was true even before COVID though. When a mom gets sick, she still has to take care of everyone in the family and neglect her own needs. When the husband is sick, he mopes around all day moaning and groaning and makes his wife take care of him while also managing the kids and household. Do we get thanks? Do we get praise? Usually no! (Note my husband does co-parent and help almost equally, but he gets praised like it shouldn’t just be a given that he contribute)!

Well I’m here to say, I SEE YOU MAMA!

I see you mama getting up in the middle of the night to comfort your baby.

I see you mama planning dinner every night for your family even if it isn’t your night to cook.

I see you mama doing all the holiday shopping for your kids, husband, your family, your husband’s family, your neighbors, coworkers, your friends and your husbands friends, and sometimes yourself.

I see you mama crying because your kid won’t eat the meal you lovingly prepared for them.

I see you mama feeling guilty for giving your kid pizza again (but give yourself a break, at least they are eating!)

I see you mama plastering on a smile for your Zoom call with work, when you haven’t showered and just want a nap.

I see you mama mustering up every last ounce of energy to take care of your sick household when you are also sick and want to rest too.

I see you mama spending an hour cleaning the house only for your kids to destroy it immediately after you finish.

I see you mama planning a fun outing for the family only to have everyone complain about everything.

I see you mama scrolling through your newsfeed missing your friends while your kid screams in your ear.

I see you mama hiding in your closet reading your book so you can get a moment of peace.

I see you mama sobbing in the bathroom after your kid threw another tantrum, while you tried to get him to log on for remote learning. You’re not alone mama!

I see you mama going out shopping for yourself then buying a bunch of things for your kids instead and putting everything you picked out for yourself back on the rack.

I see you mama finally taking time for yourself by getting a massage or mani pedi and worrying about your family the whole time instead of relaxing.

I see you mama striving to be perfect by cloth diapering, making baby food, sewing clothes, etc. but I also see the mama who says fuck it and settles for good enough instead of stressing about perfection- you’re both great moms no matter what.

I see you mama reading this and crying because no one ever acknowledges all that you selflessly do for your family, and then someone praises your husband for cooking dinner and you want to scream.

Mama you deserve all the praise, yet somehow you only get the criticism and grief. God forbid you be slightly imperfect or you’ll hear it from everyone.

Well, listen to me mama: You rock! You’re a great mom! Your family is lucky to have you. Now tell your family you deserve some time away and go celebrate yourself if no one else will.

Happy Holidays to all the mamas out there!

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